In a way, this year has been an accumulation of thoughts leading up to where I am now. While I seem to be cruising along just fine in my role as a magazine writer, deep down I'm beginning to seriously yearn for something more. Maybe it's just that cliched youthful restless spirit, that doomed inclination to 'try new things', but one simply has to try to know, right? I can't say what is next for me here right now, not because I don't have an idea, but because I want to make sure that something will be happening before I announce anything, even if no one I know reads this xD
All I will say is, with all the crap I've been facing at the workplace, with unreasonable, over the top, old-fashioned superiors, a salary which only seems to get me by, and hours of being stuck in traffic jams, I've just really been looking for a way to break out. I know lots of people around me are going to say that's just how it is. You're bound to meet crazy-ass bosses, and you're only going to get paid a lot for work that you will have to slog day and night for, and traffic jams are something that everyone has to go through anyway. Well, like it or not, the current me is rejecting all of that. I'm ready to face both the naysayers and the well-meaning friends and relatives. Because what if I don't want to spend a day longer being miserable under such circumstances? Life is unbearably short, and if you knew you were to die tomorrow, I'd bet you wish you had left your dead-end job a day sooner if only to spend more time with your loved ones and do more of what you love.
I'm not saying that what I'm doing next will take me away from the 9-5 forever, though. There's every chance that the direction I'm taking will fail spectacularly, and one day in the not so distant future I may be so low on funds that I'll take the next available job opening just to survive again. Perhaps, even with the new efforts taking off, I might still crave the stability of an office job and return to it. I'm prepared for all that too. I know that, being new to this industry, I won't be able to anticipate every hurdle and doubt and source of stress ahead, but I just want to say, I'm ready.
Any excuse to use a Loki/Hiddles GIF, amirite guys?
Perhaps due to my relative lack of knowledge about what I'm about to go through with, I'm a lot less fazed than I should be. I'm worried that things are not gonna work out, sure, but I plan to just use that fear as a fuel to keep me going and keep on doing what I plan to. Truth is, I'm really more concerned about one of the steps in the plan that's going to keep me here for a couple months.
Thing is, that step is gonna put me back at home, where I am right now, so that I can learn some tricks of the trade, or just more about the trade really, until I can get used to it and know it well enough to execute my plans better. It's funny how I've been wanting to come back here so badly for a longer time for the past few months, and now that I have, my mind has cleared up: I don't really want to. Yes, I would still want to go back every now and then to see my loved ones again and get reacquainted with what I love most about home, but with the way things are now in PJ where I live most of the time, I still prefer being nearer to my SO. So much so that it's honestly depressing -_- I don't want to be so dependant on another person. I guess that makes my decision to come back here all the better then. If we're meant to go the distance, a few months won't make a permanent dent. It might even be good timing, what with his demanding studies. I'd just have to give up the weekend visits for a while, and take things one week at a time. I know it's what I have to do.
Alright, that's enough thought churning from me for one night. Hope to update you guys soon, whoever you are, and wish me luck for what's about to come next! Good night sweet peas.
This GIF from oh-totoro is so lovingly drawn. I wish I could snuggle up to someone like that too right now T.T
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